


Summer Days Drifting Away

by thatsuperawkwardgirl



Series: Married Life [6]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Established Relationship, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Original Character(s), Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Summer Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:02:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26090827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsuperawkwardgirl/pseuds/thatsuperawkwardgirl
Summary: Of all the messed up shit Eddie’s mom did, keeping him from knowing his nana hurts the most. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration-- the fake medicine and monthly hospital visits probably deserve that title. But Eddie is still pissed about all the time he could have had with her.Eddie and Richie spend a weekend with Eddie's grandma.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: Married Life [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1488224
Comments: 60
Kudos: 175





	Summer Days Drifting Away

**Author's Note:**

> i lived bitch!!
> 
> hi hello to the three remaining people who care about this fic lmao. I know I have not posted in FOREVER. I apologize but you know, world is going to hell and I had some personal shit going on so. 8 months later and here we are!! the next part!!! thank you to everyone who read and commented during my extended absence. it really made me so so happy.
> 
> I hope you guys like it, i might be a little rusty. but i had fun writing this so i hope you have fun reading it! 
> 
> Feel free to follow me on tumblr, I'm thatsuperawkwardgirl and I'm really nice i promise!!  
> and also shout out to skydorkers on tumblr for not only editing but also just supporting me when I lost motivation. she is the best and you all should check out her reddie gifs!

Of all the messed up shit Eddie’s mom did, keeping him from knowing his nana hurts the most. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration-- the fake medicine and monthly hospital visits probably deserve that title. But Eddie is still pissed about all the time he could have had with her.

The Toziers have enthusiastically taken on the role of his guardians since his mother resolutely booted him (a night which Richie has dubbed ‘The Incident’) and they’ve done more than Eddie could ever ask for. They moved him out to California for college, co-signed for him on the apartment, paid for his flight back to Derry for winter break, celebrated his good grades and encouraged him when he got bad ones-- they even call him once a week to check in. They are truly the best in-laws on the face of the planet and he will spend the rest of his life trying to make them proud. But at the end of the day they aren’t blood and while Eddie doesn’t think blood is the be-all and end-all of family, he’s also missed having family that’s _his_ , down to the bone. Which is why he’s giving his relationship with his grandma his all. 

He made sure to write down their address in LA for her and within the first week of moving in he’d received a care package, homemade cookies and all. The losers immediately dug in-- despite Eddie’s protests that they were from _his_ grandma-- only to find out that Nana June is a horrible baker. Truly godawful. Some of the cookies were almost completely raw and others were so hard it’s a miracle no one broke a tooth. And don’t even get him started on the taste. But despite the danger to both his teeth and his stomach, he loved her packages. She sent one every two weeks and they always included some baked goods (because he couldn’t bring himself to tell her the truth about her culinary skills), a letter, some cash, and something that, quote, ‘her intuition told her he needed’. The apartment had an ever growing collection of crystals, much to Bev’s delight. Eddie’s favorite part, however, was always the letter. While his grandma does have a phone, she never uses it unless she has to. Something about radiation or FBI surveillance-- Eddie has a hard time keeping up with her sometimes. So instead he and Nana June became something like pen pals and they filled each other in on their lives through sheets of paper. As much as he cherishes the letters and the memories of his father she always included, he’s missed her being right in front of him with the smokey sage scent clinging to her and talking crap in a southern twang that she never quite lost. She had become a comfort to him so quickly, giving him unconditional love and support-- something he never thought he would get from family. And now, after months without her, he’s on his way to stay with her for a weekend. 

“Okay so how does this sound: we pull up to Nana June’s house and I get out and start playing a song on the guitar she gave me. I’m thinking a Richie Tozier original _or_ \-- and hear me out-- I sing ‘Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer’ just to keep it on topic.”

Okay, so him _and_ Richie are going to stay with her. It seems only fair that if Richie shares his family, Eddie does as well.

(Plus he can’t sleep without Richie anymore but that’s a minor detail.)

“You are not singing a song about my Nana dying! And it’s summer, how the fuck is that on topic?”

“You try thinking of a song about grandma’s. Despite what an absolutely sexy subject they are, there aren’t a lot of smash hits about our more elderly family members.”

Richie’s lucky he’s driving or Eddie would have hit him by now. “If you say anything like that in front of her, I will send you right home.”

“C’moooon, June could get it and she knows it,” Richie says with a shit eating grin.

Driving be damned, Eddie reaches out and smacks him upside the head. “That is my grandmother, you nasty--”

Richie laughs and catches his hand, bringing it to his mouth for a kiss. “You know I’m only kidding, shortcake. You’ve just been wound so tight since we got in the car, I had to do something to loosen you up. Nothing like a little marital abuse to calm the old nerves, I always say.” 

Like some kind of stupid pavolvian response, the sight of Richie’s radiant smile has his muscles unclenching. “Pick a better joke next time, Mr. Improv Group,” he says, pulling their joined hands into his lap. Richie has gotten very good at driving one handed in the past year. 

“Jeez, no jokes about fucking your mom _or_ your grandma? Someone’s sensitive.” Richie nudges Eddie’s stomach. “But really, what’s got you all silent and fidgety? It’s not like this is your first time hanging with June, we came out here a couple times last summer. Plus she came over for Christmas.”

That had been at Maggie’s insistence and Eddie doesn’t think he could love her any more for everything she does for him. “I know, I know.”

“And it was the best Christmas on record, babe. Watching June flirt with my grandpa in front of my grandma was a gift unto itself.”

Eddie groans. “Please don’t bring that up, I’m trying to repress that memory.” Thankfully Richie’s good humor is hereditary, but no one needs to see their grandparent make a pass at someone. 

“Look, if everything went well during a chaotic holiday celebration, then a weekend hanging around your grandma’s place is gonna be a cakewalk. Why are you stressing?”

“I just…” Eddie trails off. He knows he’s being ridiculous and as soon as he says it outloud Richie will confirm that, except he’ll say it in a nice, gentle way because he somehow hasn’t lost patience with Eddie’s overactive brain. “I don’t know, it’s just that this is the first time I’ll be spending more than a day with her and I’m...I’m worried that I’ll have said something wrong or weird or bad in my letters and she’ll secretly hate me and that she just invited us here to be polite and we’ll just spend the whole three days in awkward silence or something and then I’ll never hear from her again and I’ll go back to having no family, only this time it will hurt worse because I really love her and not out of obligation and if she leaves I’ll have no one to blame but myself,” he says in one breath.

Richie raises his brows. “You know you never fail to impress me with how fast you can talk, and all without stopping for air. You’re like the Michael Jordan of anxious babbling.”

“Is that a sports reference? Really? We’ve been gay since we were five years old. Know your audience.”

“Ah, ah, you’ve got to keep the material fresh, lest you bore your fans. Wouldn’t want you to move on to someone else. But forget my very manly sports reference. You know that this scenario you’ve built up in your head is, like, next to impossible, right?”

Eddie stares out the window at the passing scenery. “Is it?”

“Okay, your anxiety is being a stubborn bitch about this, so what do we do?” Eddie stays silent. “Eds, look at me.”

Eddie sighs and turns towards Richie. “Fine.”

“Let’s try this again: your anxiety is being a stubborn bitch about this, so what do we do?”

“We tell it to fuck off,” he grumbles.

“Sorry what was that? I don’t think me or your anxiety could hear you.”

“We tell it to fuck off,” Eddie says with an eyeroll. This is something Richie came up with to help him cope during their second semester when he almost had a mental breakdown thinking he wasn’t good enough to be in school. 

“That’s right. We’re about to logic the fuck out of your anxiety. Alright, so what was that first thing you said? You’re worried your letters made her hate you?” 

Hearing it come out of Richie’s mouth makes it sound a _little_ unlikely, but he nods anyway. 

“Dude, you had me read your letters to check for spelling mistakes-- which I still think is hilarious and unnecessary-- and I promise you they were sweet, heartfelt letters. And if she did manage to find something in there to hate you for, don’t you think it would have been way easier for her to just stop sending you letters? And money and essential oils and shit? But instead she invited you to her house the second we got back to Derry. Over the phone, no less! She hates phones, man! That doesn’t seem like something June would do just to be polite.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” Eddie’s a little put out by how quickly Richie is poking holes in his argument. He’s been worried about this for a week and it takes Richie all of two minutes to fix.

“Alright then. So let’s pretend, in some fucking weird twist of fate, you’re right and she hates her only grandson who she just reunited with for some unknown reason. Do you really think I, your faithful and heroic husband, would allow us to sit in awkward silence for three days? Me?” Richie gestures to himself. “My _friends_ call me Trashmouth. Every report card I ever got said ‘wow what a brain, but he needs to learn to shut the fuck up.’ My professors start a stopwatch when I speak in class so they can cut me off at five minutes. You do remember how I got my job right? I’ll remind you, in case you forgot: I opened my mouth and never shut it.”

Eddie’s laughing now, as Richie goes on and on about what a talker he is.

“I mean, theater kids got sick of me, dude. Theater kids. That’s gotta be some sort of record, right?”

“Yeah they should really give you an award for that. Like an oscar but worse.”

“But then there’s a chance I would give an acceptance speech and I don’t think they could risk that.”

“Okay, okay, so you won’t let it get awkward. Or at least not awkward and silent.”

“Never. It’s awkward to the sound of my voice, or bust.”

“What a relief,” Eddie says, pretending to wipe sweat off his brow. 

“I mean it, babe. You know I’ll do anything for you. If it gets bad, I promise we’ll leave, okay? No questions. Worst case scenario, I’ll use my skills from that theater class and pretend I got a call from my parents. ‘Oh June, I’m so sorry but my dad got his hand stuck in his client’s mouth and the fire department had to saw it off. We have to rush back, they need a hand with the transplant’.” 

Eddie boos through his giggles while Richie keeps nudging him and saying, “you get it, huh?”

“Okay if she doesn’t hate us now, she definitely will if you keep making jokes like that.”

“No way. I’m telling you, she thinks you’re the best kid on the planet. But more important than any of that stuff, I need you to remember that if she doesn’t want to have a relationship with you, then that’s on her. The right people will stick around for the right reasons and you shouldn’t have to change or hide parts of yourself because you’re afraid it’ll be too much. For the right people it won’t be.”

Eddie’s looking at Richie like he hung the moon, he can tell. It’s an embarrassing but an unavoidable consequence of being married to a man with the biggest heart. “You know, one of the things I love most about you is how you can go from making a terrible pun to saying shit like that. How are you real?”

It makes Richie smile. “Don’t worry, I just paraphrase various movies, shows, songs-- you get it. None of it’s authentic or sincere at all.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” Eddie says, nodding. 

“And I don’t always get it right, believe me. Ask Bev about the time I gave her the ‘Rocky’ speech.”

“Uhuh, and what insurmountable problem was she facing when you gave her that one?”

“She needed help deciding between two fabrics.”

“Wow, so a big swing and a miss from you, huh?”

“Look who’s making sports references now! We’re just a couple of jocks being jocks. Oh and what do ya know, it’s June’s house just ahead.”

Eddie doesn’t know how he missed that. He must have been too busy making googly eyes at Richie to notice when they turned down the dirt road and had avoided the swell of dread that would have grown as they drove closer and closer. Damn, Richie was good. 

They park the car next to June’s. Before Richie can get out, Eddie leans over and grabs his face, giving him a sweet kiss. “Thank you.”

Richie’s eyes go soft. “Did we successfully bully your anxiety?”

“It never even stood a chance against you, tough guy,” Eddie confirms.

“That’ll teach it to mess with a jock who does all the sports and hits all the balls.” Richie’s eyes slide past him. “Ah shit, no time to grab the guitar, I’ll just have to serenade her.”

Eddie looks behind him and sees his nana walking towards them waving, a huge smile on her face. 

“Yeah, wow, I see what you mean-- she hates your guts. And she’s taking this whole polite thing to another level.”

“There’s no need to be so smug about it,” Eddie says, but he can’t contain his grin. 

Richie throws his door open. “Juuuuunie,” he starts to sing.

Eddie opens his own door and quickly cuts him off. “Maybe save the songs for when we leave, Rich.”

As soon as he’s out of the car, he’s pulled into a tight hug. He closes his eyes and squeezes back. “Hi, Nana.”

“Oh, my sweet boy. I know it’s not possible, but I swear you’ve grown since Christmas,” she says, kissing the side of his head. 

“It’s the shoes he wears-- he’s trying to trick people into thinking he’s 5’8.”

“And clearly it’s working,” Eddie says sticking his tongue out at Richie. 

“Well, you know there’s nothing wrong with being a little on the shorter side, Eddie. Your father must have been the same height as you and he got it from his father. I’ll have to show you our wedding pictures. I wore four inch heels to tower over him and boy did he bitch and moan about it for years. But you nabbed quite a tall gentleman yourself. Come give Nana a hug and a kiss, Richie.”

Richie’s looks pleased, the faintest hint of pink dusting his cheeks. He’d never admit it but Eddie knows how much he wants June to like him; seeking approval he never got from Sonia.

“Don’t mind if I do.” He drops their bags and swoops in for a hug. She’s tall enough that he barely has to bend. 

“Oh, having you boys come stay with me is the highlight of my summer,” she says, pulling back and patting Richie’s cheek. “I was bragging to everyone at the farmer’s market about the two handsome young men that were coming to visit me. And the women at my book club were asking a million and one questions, trying to get me to invite them over to meet you. Which reminds me, I promised I’d bring pictures.” She pulls a camera out of one of the folds of her long, flowy dress. “Let’s get a quick snap, just cuddle up together, that’s it. Oh you two make such a cute pair,” she coos. 

“Thanks, Nana, but I think we’re good on the pictures for now. Richie really needs to use the bathroom.”

“Oh, no, no, the pictures come first, Eddie. I can take a piss anytime. Sorry for the language, June. I’ve got a bit of a potty mouth.”

“Fuck if I care,” she says without looking up from the camera.

Richie beams at Eddie and pulls him against his side. “Just a couple more cute ones, bub. For Nana’s book club, c’mon.”

Eddie grumbles but lets Richie lean down to kiss him on the cheek while Nana June chatters excitedly about their auras and snaps photo after photo. His cheeks feel like they’re on fire and he knows he’ll be bright red in half of the pictures. He hates this but he also doesn’t want to disappoint his grandma who is clearly having the time of her life taking these photos of them standing in front of the car. 

“I think we’ve tortured Eds enough for now. There’s only so much his tiny body can take,” Richie says kindly. 

Normally Eddie would get pissy at the comment about his size but he knows Richie’s doing him a favor so he keeps his mouth shut. 

“Good call, hun. I’ve kept you out here much too long-- us old ladies just get caught up in the excitement. But come in, come in! I made a fresh batch of cookies for you.”

Eddie and Richie share a look as they follow her inside. 

“June, my dear, there is nothing I would love more.”

“Aren’t you just a charmer. Speaking of charmers, how’s your grandfather? Does he still look like a silver haired Tom Selleck?”

Richie throws his head back and laughs, which seems to delight June. If Eddie had been imagining a calm, relaxing weekend, he isn’t anymore. 

* * *

Nana June lives on a small piece of land about two hours from Derry and Eddie loves it. The property is home to an old cottage, a pond that a family of ducks live in, a sprawling garden, and a henhouse full of chickens. The whole place feels private and cozy; there are no neighbors for miles and a thicket of trees borders the yard. 

Richie’s also a fan. They’ve been there one day and he’s already doing duck impressions. At the ducks. Eddie would be embarrassed, but he’s pretty sure he lost the ability to feel embarrassed by Richie’s antics in the 3rd grade. At least June is laughing too. 

“He’s a hoot, that boy,” she says, chuckling. “Do the chickens next!”

“Don’t get him started, Nana. You have no idea how far he’ll take things if there’s a captive audience,” he warns. 

“Listen, it’s not every day I get live entertainment all the way out here. I have to make the most of it.”

Eddie groans, knowing he’ll be weeding to the sound of Richie’s chicken sounds for the next hour. 

“Now tell me again, you two have been together since you were how old?”

“Six.”

“Phew! And how exactly did it end in marriage?”

Apparently talking about their relationship is more fun than making chicken noises so Richie wanders over. “Actually, it’s more accurate to say that it started with marriage.”

“Yeah, Richie proposed out of the blue. Said he wanted to be best friends until we got old-- had a ring and everything.” Eddie abandons the weeds to show off the ring that’s made a permanent home on his hand.

“My, my,” June says, impressed. “How did a six year old come to possess such a nice ring?”

“I won over a terrifying pawn shop owner with my moving love story,” he says, shrugging in fake modesty. 

June looks at Eddie. “Did he spin stories as well as a six year old?”

“Better even; the big, magnified puppy dog eyes helped. What about you and grandpa? You haven’t told me much about him.”

“He was a grumpy old fuck. It never made sense to me how he made as sweet a boy as Frank. I suppose it’s the same as you and your mother-- night and day.”

“How’d you end up married?”

“Oh it’s nowhere near as interesting as you two. It was 1941 and we had gone to school together in Georgia. It was just after graduation and Peter was going off to fight. He’d always had a crush on me, asking me to go to this dance, or that soda shop, and I always turned him down flat-- something about his beady little eyes never sat right with me. Anyhow, he thought it was his last chance so he proposed right before he left and I thought, eh, what the hell, he’ll probably die in the war and at least I won’t have to deal with a husband for a while. Of course, the bastard was like a cockroach and somehow survived. Came back talking about starting a family and a year later we had Frank. Peter wasn’t a horrible father; he never hit Frank or anything but he didn’t have the patience for a kid running around, asking questions all the time. He treated your dad like a tiny adult so I was always trying to get Frank to let loose and have some fun-- you know what a kook I am-- and boy that annoyed the hell out of Peter. ‘That boy needs to learn some responsibility, the world isn’t going to baby him like you do’. Well Peter lasted about ten years with us and then he ran off with some other woman-- a nice polish one, he said. The ‘unlike me’ was implied. Never trust a polish man.”

“Couldn’t agree more,” Richie quips. 

“After that it was just me and Frank and I moved us to Maine where my sister was teaching at the time. I didn’t hear from Peter for years, all I knew is he had moved to Poland with his new lady, and then I hear from a friend of a friend that he’s died! Some sort of accident at the factory he worked at. Can you imagine? You survive your ship getting bombed during a war, only to get killed by a steel pole that wasn’t tied down properly. Life’s funny that way. Anyway, his wife sent a letter to Frank asking him to come to the funeral so he flew over to Poland. That’s where he met your mom, did you know that? Her family was close to Peter’s wife’s and I guess they hit it off at the memorial, although I think it had more to do with Frank wanting to make his father proud by finding a polish girl. Odd way to meet someone, if you ask me. Which Frank didn’t, but I told him regardless.”

Eddie’s jaw is on the ground and Richie is giggling like mad. 

“Dude, your mom preyed on a grieving man at his father’s funeral!”

“Honey, you’ll catch flies that way,” June jokes, tapping Eddie’s chin. 

“I-- I’m just...Why haven’t you told me any of that before?” His mother had only ever spoken about his dad when she could use it as leverage, so his father’s history had always been a mystery.

“You didn’t ask. Besides, the past is the past. Now, do you boys want some lemonade? You’ve been working awfully hard helping me weed. And providing entertainment,” she adds with a wink at Richie. 

“June bug, I accept your generous offer on behalf of the both of us, thank you. Need help?”

“I may be old, but I think I can manage a few glasses of lemonade.”

Eddie stares after her as she heads inside.

“You okay, babe?”

“I don’t know. I just found out my family is kind of fucked up and I don’t know what to do with that information.”

“I get it, family secrets are weird. But who cares? June’s right, it’s in the past.”

“Easy for you to say, your family is like hallmark levels of perfect,” Eddie huffs. 

“Not even. Remember in high school when I found out my grandpa used to be an alcoholic and him and my grandma separated until he went to rehab? That shit was out of left field. By the way, that’s a sports reference in case you didn’t catch it. Good old tennis.”

Eddie hasn’t thought about that in years. He never would have suspected something like that from the friendly Tozier patriarch.

He wraps his arms around Richie’s waist and looks up at him. “So how did you deal with it?”

Richie shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess it made me more cautious about certain things but it’s not like it really changed anything about my family except that now I know why gramps passes on the wine at Christmas. They already dealt with the hard stuff, I was just hearing a story.”

“I guess hearing my family’s shitty love stories just doesn’t give me a lot of confidence about our luck.”

“Whaaaat?” Richie grabs Eddie’s face and shakes it. “You listen here, bud: we are solid as hell. Like those fucking crystals your grandma won’t stop sending. If you wanna take that family history as a cautionary tale then maybe consider not leaving me for a Polish woman or meeting another dude at a funeral. Easy peasy.”

“If it means that much to you, I suppose I can cancel my plans to run off with Aga,” Eddie teases. 

“Yowza! A shot to the heart!” Richie shouts, dramatically clutching at his chest and stumbling back. “You get a boy’s name tattooed and he can’t even stop himself from running off with a lesbian.”

“You got _what_ tattooed?”

They turn to find June glaring at them. 

Richie clears his throat nervously. “Uhh, just another chapter in our epic love story?”

She stares at them for a long beat before cracking up. “I’m kidding! Why the fuck would I care? I got a tramp stamp of my boyfriend’s name back in ‘71 while I was tripping on acid. Come get your lemonade and I’ll tell you all about the year Emelio and I spent travelling with some UFO fanatics.”

* * *

It’s a beautiful Sunday morning and the three of them are standing at the entrance to the farmer’s market. The sky is blue, there’s a gentle and refreshing breeze blowing, and Eddie is slathering Richie in sunscreen. 

“You have very fair skin, you can never be too careful!”

“You got in my mouth,” Richie sputters. 

“Maybe if you could shut it for thirty seconds, this wouldn’t happen.”

A few of the farmer’s market patrons are watching him attempt to smear lotion on his gangly husband but Nana June just smiles serenely at them and recommends they check out the booth selling local honey. 

“Eddie, angel, I think Richie’s covered. Besides he’s got that bee-utiful hat to keep the sun off his face.”

Ah yes, the hat. June had come out of her room that morning with a huge, floppy straw hat that Richie had just _loved_ , and oh isn’t that lucky because she happened to have another one to match and would Richie want to borrow it? He had. And now it’s sitting on top of his long, curly hair, looking absolutely ridiculous. 

Eddie glares at him; he knows Richie is getting a kick out of annoying him with this hat. All he wants is to make a good impression on these people, or at least come off as somewhat normal. The last two days have mostly erased the idea that he could fuck something up beyond repair with his grandma, but he doesn’t want to settle for ‘my grandma doesnt hate me’. He wants to be someone she’s proud of, someone worthy of showing off to all her friends.

“Thank god for the hat,” Eddie says through gritted teeth. 

Richie’s smug smile only grows. “You know, it’s such a shame there wasn’t a third hat for you, Eds, then we could have all been matching.”

“Oh, Richie that is the best idea I’ve heard all day! I wonder if Mary is still selling them. We’ll have to stop by her stand and check.”

June starts in on a story about Mary while she leads them to her booth. Eddie pinches Richie’s side.

“Ow!”

“I will smother you with that hat, is that what you want?” he hisses. 

“It would be an honor to die in such a fine piece of craftsmanship.” Eddie pinches him again. “Okay, enough with the pinchy pinchy! Loosen up, babe. You know I look hilarious in this hat. Normally you would be roasting me by now.”

“Normally I wouldn’t be getting dragged around and introduced to my grandma’s friends. You know I wanna make a good impression, Rich, and that’s hard to do when you look like an idiot.”

He looks down at himself. “You don’t think the hat matches my Jurassic Park tank? Or is it the cut off shorts? Because I have to tell you, I thought the hat really brought everything together. June seemed to agree.” Richie nudges Eddie. “C’mon, she’s loving this. Look how excited she is to get you a hat too.”

June is at a table covered in a variety of hats, some jewelry and hand sewn bags. She holds up a hat and waves them over. 

Eddie sighs. “Fine. You may have a point and I might be taking this whole thing way too seriously.”

“Ding ding ding! This is supposed to be fun, dude. It’s not some test you’re gonna fail. Plus you know June’s friends have to be at least as weird as she is.”

“Stop being reasonable, it’s annoying. God, I really don’t want to wear one of those. It looks like a flacid sombrero.”

“I feel like a million bucks in it,” Richie says brightly. 

“Eddie, come look! The universe wanted you to have it-- it’s her last one!” June holds up the abomination and it flaps in the wind. 

“How...lovely. You don’t have to buy me a hat though, really. And I don’t wanna take the spotlight away from you and Richie.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I get to support my friend and match with my grandson-- it’s win-win.” She shoves the hat on top of his head. “Ohhh look how cute. Richie, look at your husband!”

Richie’s mouth is twisted up from trying to hold in his laughter. Eddie flips him off while June’s back is turned.

“If we weren’t already married, I’d get down on one knee right now. You are a vision, my love. You know what this calls for right?”

“A picture!” June cries, digging in her purse for her camera. 

Welp. Richie has bested him. He’s wearing a comically large hat in a very public space and there’s going to be photographic evidence. It’s like they always say: if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Not that he had a choice. 

“Nana, maybe Mary could take it so we can all be in the photo,” he suggests. She looks so happy that Eddie resolves to stop being a stick in the mud. 

Mary motions for them to get closer but when they try, the hats get in the way. They have to strategically tilt the hats and it takes so long that some people stop to watch them struggle. The whole thing is so absurd that Eddie starts giggling. 

“You know who we look like? What are those birds called-- the animated ones, with Donald Duck?”

“The Three Caballeros!” 

“That’s the one!”

Richie starts singing, “We’re three caballeros, three gay caballeros,” swinging his hips. 

“Two of us certainly are gay caballeros,” June titters. 

It takes Eddie longer than it should to process the joke, but Richie loses it immediately. 

“June gets off a good one! Holy shit!” he cries through his laughter. 

Eddie cannot believe his Nana just made a gay joke about him. His mouth is hanging open but the twinkle in June’s eye has him letting out a laugh of disbelief. 

She snorts, then claps her hands over her face in embarrassment, her eyes wide. Eddie loses any semblance of composure and laughs so hard he has to clutch his stomach. 

He hears the click of the camera and decides Richie was right; he does feel like a million bucks. 

* * *

By the time they get back the sun is setting and their bags are practically overflowing. Apparently June knows most of the town; she brought them to what seemed like every stall along on the street to introduce them to this friend or that friend and there was always something that he and Richie had to try.

Eddie groans and heaves his packed bag onto the counter. “I wish you would let us pay for some of this, Nana. I feel guilty you bought all this for us.”

“I’m not going to take money from starving college students. Besides, I missed quite a few birthdays and Christmases so I’ve got catching up to do.”

“Please don’t feel like you have to do that. Getting you back in my life more than makes up for any gift you could have gotten me.”

She smiles and kisses him on the forehead. “I am the luckiest lady in the world getting to be your grandma. Richie, do you know you are married to the sweetest boy this side of the Mississippi?” 

“I sure am and I thank my lucky stars for it everyday,” he says, mimicking her accent. “Although I have to tell you, he’s got a nasty side to him. He’s like a gremlin-- you can’t feed him after midnight or he goes feral.”

“Oh yeah? And what’s your excuse?” June asks.

“Ha!” Eddie crows and high fives June. 

“I can see that I’m out numbered so consider this my white flag,” Richie says, waving a dish towel. 

“You’re going to need that towel because tonight I am putting you to work in the kitchen.”

“I think my strengths are much more suited to the entertainment side of things. Perhaps Eddie can use his dexterous nursing hands to help you cook and I’ll just grab the guitar and dazzle you with some tunes.”

“He’ll be helping too. Cooking is a group activity.” June pauses on the way to the fridge. “But maybe you can grab the guitar just in case there’s some down time.”

Richie whoops and does as he’s told. 

June has decided they’re making meatloaf with roasted vegetables and mashed potatoes so she gets to work on the ground beef while Eddie chops. Richie, to the surprise of absolutely no one, spends the whole time making up raunchy songs like some kind of shitty kitchen bard. June helps him with some lyrics and they come up with a song about buff men in assless chaps. 

Eddie’s laughing so hard the knife he’s using slips, slicing his finger.

 _Shit_.

He freezes and watches as the bright red blood wells up and runs down the side of his hand. This is the first time since he left his mother that he’s really hurt himself; her lies may have messed him up in the head but they did make him cautious. It should be fine-- he’s a nursing major and the sight of blood hasn’t bothered him in years, _but_. 

But usually it’s not his own blood and the last time he cut himself like this he was thirteen, racing to make it home before his curfew, too focused on the time to notice the chicken wire sticking out from the neighbor’s front garden. He’d felt a sting as he ran by but he knew if he was even a minute late he’d be grounded for two weeks and would miss Richie’s birthday party so he kept going, throwing open the door just in time. His mom had been standing in the hallway glaring at her watch and he’d opened his mouth to maybe gloat a little because he knew she wanted him to miss the party, but her eyes had drifted to his leg and that’s when he’d felt the sticky, wet of blood. The cut hadn’t even been very bad but it bled enough to look alarming. He’d spent the rest of the day in the hospital getting checked out in every way possible because the doctors were used to Sonia’s demands and as he was getting his tetanus shot he saw the way her eyes lit up and it was the first time he realized that she _liked_ doing this to him, she liked the control and power and he couldn’t do anything but sit there and try not to cry because he knew he wouldn’t be able to go to Richie’s birthday party and he probably wouldn’t be in school for the next week and--

The cold water breaks him out of his thoughts. At some point during his spiral Richie must have guided him over to the sink and he’s holding Eddie’s hand under the faucet to wash the blood away. 

Richie’s got the crease on his forehead he gets when he’s worried. “Hey, you with me?”

“Yeah, I’m-- I’m here.” Eddie blinks rapidly, trying to clear the fog.

“That’s good.” The hand not cradling Eddie’s gently strokes his cheek. “You scared us there for a second.”

Eddie holds Richie’s gaze, the familiar blue like an anchor. “I’m okay.”

“Maybe we should get you checked out,” June says from behind Richie. 

He’d forgotten they’re standing in his nana’s kitchen and _oh god_ , she cares about him so much but she doesn’t know anything about his mom. 

“No, really, it’s totally fine.” He pulls his hand out from under the running water and grabs a towel to wrap around his finger. The rough cloth against his wound makes him flinch but he just applies more pressure. “Good as new, now let’s get back to cooking!”

Richie is giving him that look-- the one he _hates_ \-- like he knows Eddie’s going to go over the deep end but he doesn’t know how to stop it. And June isn’t convinced either; she tries to reach for his hand, but Eddie pulls away, stumbling back a few steps. 

“I just wanna make sure you’re okay. That was a lot of blood--”

_“And you have no idea the kinds of things blood loss can do to a person. You look ghostly white. Don’t worry about school, the doctor gave us a note that will excuse you for as long as you need. You’re not going anywhere in the next few weeks, I want you in bed until you recover, Eddie Bear.”_

His airway feels like it’s tightening, his pulse racing, and he can hear Richie telling June that a hospital isn’t the best idea but it sounds muffled, like he’s under water. 

“I won’t go,” Eddie gasps between labored breaths. 

“Eddie-- Eds, remember to breathe, please baby.”

Eddie ignores Richie and focuses on June who's looking at him, wide eyed. 

“Why don’t you just let me take a look. If you need stitches--”

“You don’t know what I need, okay! You have no idea! And I’m telling you I won’t go to a hospital, you can’t make me!”

“No one’s going to make you go anywhere, Eddie. Remember what I promised in the car? You just have to breathe, okay?” Richie reassures him, holding a hand out. 

“I can’t go, Rich,” Eddie cries. “It’s just a cut, I swear.”

“I believe you, I do.” Richie approaches him slowly, like he’s a wild animal he’s scared to spook. “Don’t cry, Eds. It’s just a cut, right? And me and June are gonna do whatever you need. So what do you need?”

Eddie shuts his eyes and takes a shuddering breath. “I don’t-- I can’t focus. Can you...I think-- I think I need you to hold me.”

“Okay, okay, I can do that,” Richie says quickly, pulling Eddie in and tucking his face into his shoulder. “Just focus on me and my breathing. You don’t have to worry about anything else.”

The smell and feel of Richie overwhelms the rest of his senses. He can ignore the throbbing in his finger and focus on inhaling and exhaling, trying his best to match Richie. Richie rubs his lower back where he holds all his tension and always complains about aching after a panic attack. It’s enough to almost make him cry again but he knows that would be a step backwards. 

When his head clears and his breathing evens out, he pulls back and wipes the last of the tears from his eyes. Richie gives him a sad smile that Eddie returns until he catches sight of June over Richie’s shoulder. She’s clutching the counter and she’s got a look in her eyes that he can’t place. 

God, he just had a meltdown in front of her-- had yelled at her and acted like she was going to treat him like his mom did. She had tried to help and he-- 

Eddie opens his mouth to apologize, to try and explain, but nothing comes out. How can he excuse that? He’s crazy and now she knows it.

Instead of staying and hearing the truth, he turns and runs out the door. The cool night air makes him shiver; he always feels cold after a panic attack, like all the blood drains from his body along with his energy. He rubs his arms and sits down at the picnic table, facing the garden. The sun has mostly set but he can still make out the pond rippling in the breeze. The ducks are nowhere to be seen, probably cuddled up somewhere safe for the night. He should bring the losers here, they would like it. Of course that would depend on his grandma inviting him back and after tonight she’ll probably never want to see him again. 

The door creaks open but Eddie doesn’t bother checking who it is. June will want an explanation. She deserves one too. 

She sits down on the other end of the bench and they look out over the shadowy yard together quietly. 

He’s the one to break the silence. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you sit here and tell me sorry.”

“I know it’s not enough,” Eddie says, clenching his fists in his shorts, “but I mean it.”

“That’s not what I meant. You don’t owe me an apology, Eddie. I owe you one. I shouldn’t have pushed.”

“Oh my god, please don’t. How were you supposed to know that wanting to make sure I wasn’t injured would make me react like that?”

“And how were you supposed to not react like that? I know a panic attack when I see one. Frank used to get them from time to time.”

Eddie’s head jerks up. “He did?”

She nods. “I didn’t think you needed to know. I wanted to fill your head with all the good things about your dad and none of the messy stuff but I know now that’s not the right way to do it. He was a man, just like you, and he had flaws. He was forced to grow up too fast and he took his father leaving personally. Of course it affected him. If things didn’t go how he planned, he’d work himself up thinking he’d ruined everything. He also had a bit of a temper after his dad was gone. He could be calm as anything and then one thing would set him off and he’d have to leave the room to go cool off. But he was a good man at his core.”

“I wanna hear more of the messy stuff-- I mean, not right now, but…in the letters maybe.” Eddie shifts. “If you still wanna send them.”

June scoots down the bench until they’re almost touching and takes his hand. “There is not a thing on Earth that would make me stop.”

Eddie sniffles. “Oh. Okay. Good.”

She pats his hand. “Now that we have established that neither of us needs to apologize, can I ask-- what happened in there?”

“There’s things I should have told you, I just-- it’s hard for me. I’ve never really had to tell anyone before.”

“Well how about I ask some questions to get you started, does that sound okay?”

Eddie nods.

“Alright. Does this have something to do with your mother?”

He nods again.

“I know she’s not in your life anymore but it didn’t feel right asking so I waited for you to bring it up and you never did.”

“I’m embarrassed, I guess.”

“What in the hell do you have to be embarrassed about? You know it doesn’t take much imagination to put some of the pieces together. I knew your mother and I knew about her... _opinions_. I took one look at you and that boy in there and I knew she wouldn’t have had anything good to say. Am I getting it right so far?”

He looks down at his finger, wrapped in the dish towel Richie had waved around before Eddie had to go and mess it up. “That’s part of it.”

“And the rest? I won’t push it if you aren’t ready-- I think I learned my lesson tonight-- but honey, I just want to help and I want to be able to love you the right way. You scared me half to death in there. It was like I stepped on a landmine when I didn’t even know I had to watch my step.”

He wants to tell her and be done with it. “Me and Richie were the last straw really. I told her I was going to school in California and she lost it and told me that she knew-- about me and Richie, I mean. Since we were kids. But she was waiting to see if I would...leave it behind, I guess, after graduation.”

“She’s dumber than I thought then. So she kicked you out?”

“Not...not at first. Or at least, it wasn’t her plan. She started pulling me out of the house, talking about fixing me and I finally realized she was talking about conversion camp.”

Eddie feels June’s grip tighten.

“She sent you to one of those--those evil, bible-wielding--”

“No, no, I never went. I managed to get her off of me and I ran to Richie’s house. His mom took one look at me and went into full protective mode. When she saw the bruise I thought she--”

“Bruise?”

 _Shit_. 

“She, uh, she really wanted me to go to that camp.”

When Eddie’s finally brave enough to peak at her face, her eyes are full of fury. “Did she put marks on you like that before? Be honest.”

“No, that wasn’t her preferred method of…”

“Abuse?”

Eddie hasn’t been able to say it outloud. Not ever. He knows that’s what it was; he isn’t stupid. But verbalizing it would make it too real and every time he’s tried-- every time he’s looked himself in the mirror and opened his mouth, he can’t get the word out. The worst part, the part he wouldn’t ever tell anyone, not even Richie, was that part of him felt like if he said ‘my mom was abusive’, that he would be betraying her. Jesus, what does he owe her? What did she ever give him to deserve an ounce of loyalty? 

He drops his head into his arms and takes a shaky breath. A hand runs through his hair, soothing. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m not going to sugar coat what she did.”

“She didn’t ever physically hurt me, except the once.”

“No, but I’d bet good money she did something else. That reaction in the kitchen doesn’t happen for nothing.”

“I don’t know what she was like when my dad was around but for as long I can remember she...was a bit of a hypochondriac. Or, uh, not a bit of one. She was a huge hypochondriac.”

“Mm, sounds about right. She would start ringing her hands every time you so much as jogged as a kid. I think if she had her way, you’d have left the house in pads and a helmet. Frank seemed to be able to calm her down, but I’m guessing she didn’t do so well on her own.”

Eddie lets out a breath. “That’s an understatement. I couldn’t do _anything_. I was in the hospital getting looked at every month. She had me on medication I didn’t need. I mean, she actually bribed a doctor to give me a fake inhaler that I thought I would die without. Turns out I had anxiety, probably caused by all the shit she shoved in my head about germs and disease. No gym class, no going out if it seemed too cloudy, no playing on freshly mowed grass. I had to carry around a fanny pack full of first aid supplies and my hands got raw sometimes from how much she made me wash them. I missed so much school it’s a miracle I was able to keep up. I wouldn’t have, if it weren’t for Richie and my friends. But it was...it was hell, Nana.”

It’s quiet for a moment and all Eddie hears is the chirping of crickets and a frog croaking. It’s nice-- reminds him of summer nights at Mike’s. 

She leans her head against his. “I’m sorry, baby. I should have been there.”

“No--”

“I should have known she would go crazy and I should have checked in--”

“This isn’t on you!” He pulls his head back to look her in the eyes. “There was no way you could have known it would get so bad. It’s not like I reached out either.”

“You were just a kid!”

“And now I’m an adult and I’m fine! Or as fine as I can be, considering. I’m happy and I’ve always had people in my life who love me. Please don’t beat yourself up over something you couldn’t control.”

“I think it’s too late for that,” she sighs. “I am always going to regret the years I wasn’t in your life. And the regret is sharper, knowing that you were hurting for so much of it. But I’m not going to sit here and make this all about me. You got yourself out of that situation, made a new path for yourself in life. I’m proud as hell and I know your dad would be too.”

He gives her a bittersweet smile. “Thanks, but honestly, I didn’t get myself out of it. Richie and his parents did.”

“Oh sweetheart,” she whispers and cups his face, “they may have helped, and I owe them more for that than I could ever repay, but it was all you. You knew you couldn’t stay and you accepted help. It’s scary, leaving behind the familiar, and you did it because you knew that boy in there wouldn’t let you fail. But nothing they said or did would have gotten you out of there if you didn’t believe that you deserved more-- better. And that starts in here,” she says, tapping his chest. 

It’s the same thing that the Toziers have said but it means a lot coming from her. Maybe if he hears it enough times, he’ll finally start to believe it. 

His bottom lip starts to tremble and she softly tuts him, pulling him into her open arms. “None of that now. I shouldn’t have pushed it, I’m sorry. I wanted this weekend to be fun and relaxing and I went and ruined it.”

“No, you could never ruin it,” Eddie assures her. “We’ve had a great time, I promise. Richie’s already talking about how we have to find a farmer’s market in LA.” 

“He is a sweet one and boy does he know how to take care of you. Seeing him calm you down like that, I have a whole new level of respect for him. And that’s saying something because I already thought the world of him. But between me and you, I do not trust him in my kitchen and I think we should probably go back in before he burns the place down.” She pats him on the knee. “Well, now we have it all out in the open, right? No more bombs you want to drop on me?”

“No, I think that was the last one.”

“Thank the lord above, I’m not sure my heart could--”

The smoke alarm starts blaring and they both stand just in time to see Richie come crashing out the door and down the steps, holding a smoking meatloaf in his oven mitt covered hands. 

Richie chuckles nervously. “I didn’t interrupt, did I?”

June sighs. “I think there’s a Chinese restaurant that delivers.”

* * *

They’re packing up, getting ready to drive back to Derry, when Richie brings it up.

“Soooo, I didn’t wanna say anything last night because you’re a little...sensitive after a good old panic attack--”

“Gee thanks,” Eddie says dryly. 

“Hey, I’m a pisces-- I’m sensitive all the time, no judgment here.”

“You and Bev with the astrology shit, I swear.”

“That’s exactly what a virgo would say. But that’s not the point. You know I love and support you no matter what, right?”

Eddie drops the shirt he was folding. “Why did you say it like that? Oh my god, did I reach the limit of your patience? Forever means forever, dickhead, you can’t just change your mind.”

“Boy am I glad I didn’t try this last night. This is not me breaking up with you, I will never run out of patience for you, etcetera etcetera.”

“Nothing says eternal love like ‘etcetera, etcetera’,” Eddie says, rolling his eyes. 

“I’ll tell Ben to add it to his next poem. Anyways, I support you no matter what _but_ last night was a gnarly P.A.-- I think we should revisit the idea of calling them that, by the way-- and I think I’m right in assuming it had to do with the blood involved.”

Eddie drops onto the bed and sighs. “That would be a safe assumption.”

“I just think it’s something you need to consider seeing as you wanna be a nurse. Are you going to be okay going into hospitals and treating a patient who’s gushing blood because they accidentally shot off their finger in a freak gun accident?”

“That’s a weirdly specific example.”

“It really happened! Or at least it did on ‘General Hospital’. I probably need to stop watching soap operas with mom.”

Eddie’s touched that Richie thought about all of this and wants to talk it out with him. As much as blind, unwavering support sounds like a good thing, he’d much rather have Richie’s thoughtful and honest support. Moments like this are why he trusts Richie implicitly. 

“I get why you’re concerned but I promise it won’t be an issue. It wasn’t so much the blood as it was the fact that I was hurt. I think it brought up some stuff with my mom that I had been ignoring. But I patch up you and Bev all the time, no problem, and I did that phlebotomy course without flinching.”

“You aced that shit!”

“I did! So I’m not worried about working in a hospital. I just really, really don’t want to be a patient in one again.”

Richie wraps an arm around his shoulder. “I think you have had more than enough hospital visits for a lifetime.”

“Knock on wood.”

They both reach back and knock on the headboard. 

“Well if you’re sure it’s not gonna mess with you then you know I am all about you becoming a sexy nurse.”

“I’ve told you a hundred times, we don’t wear those white uniforms. And that wouldn’t be my uniform even if that was regulation because it’s a _dress_.”

“There’s nothing wrong with a man wearing a dress, Eddie, and I’m hurt you would imply otherwise.”

“I know there’s not, asshole, I just don’t wanna wear one.”

“Not even for my birthday?”

Eddie zips up his bag. “You left a pair of socks over there, by the way.”

“I’m not hearing a no,” Richie says excitedly. 

“I’ll be at the car when you’re finished packing.”

“Still not a no!” Richie calls after him. Eddie shakes his head fondly and heads for the car. 

June is standing in the garden talking softly to the chickens; she swears they lay better eggs when she reads them their horoscopes. Eddie isn’t really clear on what makes one egg better than another but seeing her tell a bird that it may be feeling uninspired because of the people it chooses to surround itself with is something he will cherish forever. 

He drops his bag in the backseat and joins her. “What do they think of their horoscopes today?”

“They didn’t have much to say,” June says with a smile. “Are you two all packed up?”

“I am but Richie needs a few more minutes on account of being a disaster and all.”

“He truly is a wild child with a heart of gold and I gotta tell you-- I love him to bits.”

It warms Eddie to know the family who matters approves. “I do too. He’s a handful, but he’s my handful.”

“You know who else I love?” she asks, wiggling her fingers.

“Ugh, Nana, don’t,” he whines, but a smile is growing. 

“It’s you!” 

She squeezes him and starts tickling. He screams, trying to wriggle his way out of her grip until she finally relents and pulls him into a proper hug.

“Thank you for indulging me, I know you’re a little old to be getting into tickle fights with your Nana.”

“You’re the one exception,” he admits, melting into her. 

“You sure do know how to make a girl feel special.” Richie comes bounding out of the house and she kisses his forehead. “I’m going to miss you two.”

“We’ll miss you too.”

“You’ll come back to visit again soon? I promise not to give you a panic attack next time,” she jokes.

“Har har,” Eddie mocks. “We’ll be back again in no time, don’t worry.”

“Yeah, I need to work on my chicken impression and I’ll want their feedback.”

June chuckles. “Come give me a hug and a kiss, you goofball.”

Richie wraps his long arms around her, lifting and spinning her while she shrieks.

“Put me down this instant!”

As soon as her feet are firmly on the ground again she swats at him. “That’s no way to treat a lady, young man.”

“My deepest apologies, madame.” Richie dips his head and grabs her hand, kissing the back of it. “A scoundrel such as myself hardly belongs in the presence of such a fine beauty.”

“Damn right.”

Richie laughs and hugs her for real this time. She whispers something to him but Eddie only catches something about him being a wonderful person; when they part, Richie’s blushing again. Eddie has to ask her how she manages that. 

Richie says goodbye to June and tells Eddie he’ll be in the car when he’s ready. 

“I know this isn’t forever but it seems to get harder and harder saying goodbye to you.”

“It’s not goodbye, it’s see you later?” Eddie offers with a half-smile.

“That’s right. And we have years and years to keep saying it. Okay, one last hug and you two have to go or I’m going to tie you up and force you to stay forever.”

He hugs her tightly. “I love you, Nana.”

“I love you too, my brave boy,” she whispers into his hair. Her eyes are misty when she lets go. “I’m always here if you need me. Rain or shine, day or night, you understand?”

“I know.” And he really does. 

“Okay, now get the hell off my property,” she says, laughing wetly. 

Eddie doesn’t know why he feels so hesitant to leave but he finds himself watching her in the rearview mirror until he can’t anymore. 

Richie takes his hand and squeezes. “We’ll come back soon, Eds. We can do some day trips like last year. Maybe take the losers with us. Stan and Mike would love the farmer’s market.” 

Eddie hums in agreement but his mind is somewhere else. “Hey, Richie?”

“Yeah?”

“My mom was abusive.”

Richie’s eyes leave the road to meet Eddie’s. “Yes. She was. It was fucked up, what she did to you, and you didn't deserve it.”

Eddie sniffles. “It sucked a lot.”

“Hey, come here.” Richie lifts his arm and Eddie snuggles as close to him as he can manage in the car. “It’ll be ok.”

He looks in the rearview mirror one last time. 

“I know.” And he really does.

**Author's Note:**

> there it is! I will hopefully be writing the next part soon and fingers crossed it takes less than 8 months to finish haha. love you all!


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